shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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