Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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