It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
