She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
