I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
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