I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.