dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.