When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
Pick me up at 9.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.