I'll bet she douches with gravy.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Use "feeling words"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere