Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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