FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
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I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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