Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
