At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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