She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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