I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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