distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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