i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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