Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
