Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
