you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
