lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
