if i can run in heels then i can drive
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
