I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
