just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
