i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
