you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
