Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Randomize
