I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
