Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
