Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
