The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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