youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I color on your dick again?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
