JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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