It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
