That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm like, not good at living.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
