I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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