No more Irish car bombs ever.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
