You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
