i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
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how do you play pong handcuffed?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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