Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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