I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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