they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
