im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
