I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
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