I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
