i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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