I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
