eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up under a house in Key West
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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