I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I didn't notice because vodka
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
