Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
