Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
