Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Everclear isn't food dammit
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
