There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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