Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
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I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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