i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
