I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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