Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You can't special order awesome
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
