her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
My bed smells like the plague
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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