So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
