is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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