he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
