I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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