If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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