I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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