Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
