my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
