I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
