in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
