I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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