haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
