so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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