i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Randomize
