he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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