we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
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The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
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I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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