I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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