I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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