i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
