i would punch a child for taco bell
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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