Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
