I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
