i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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