Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
