just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Houston, we have a squirter
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
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