nut hugger
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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