I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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